Are you trapped in a “Gilded Cage”?

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.”

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

The modern world worships the idea of self, the individual, and the accumulation of things, but it can become a gilded cage - the feeling of being stuck in an unfulfilling life or career, despite outward appearances of success such as a high salary, large house, expensive car and societal recognition.

A gilded cage is still a cage, as the saying goes and whilst these outward trappings of success can look good - they often come at a cost:

  • feeling emotionally trapped and intellectually stagnant

  • becoming fearful of change or loss of status

  • pressure to maintain a high cost of living to keep up with expectations of family, friends and colleagues

Happiness and personal fulfilment are of course subjective - so one way to understand if you are in a gilded cage is to ask yourself some tough questions:

  1. My career path and life choices may have been shaped by my childhood or past relationships but who am I now - today - in this very moment?

  2. When imagining my ideal life and/or career, what would be different from my current situation?

  3. Am I genuinely passionate about and fulfilled by my current life, career or profession?

  4. Am I able to express my creativity, values and strengths, at work and at home?

  5. Do I feel genuine excitement and purpose for my work (or am I driven by external factors such as financial reward)?

  6. Do I feel pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle e.g. luxury cars, holidays, watches, clothes?

  7. Do I feel limited or restricted in my ability to pursue an alternative career path or explore personal areas of interest? What’s holding me back?

  8. Does my work-life balance align with my personal priorities and wellbeing?

  9. Do I feel confined by the expectations of others (and therefore unable to take control over my own decisions and choices)?

  10. Am I constantly seeking external validation and recognition to justify my life and career choices, rather than finding satisfaction and fulfilment within myself? Do I let my job title define me as a person?

  11. How well do I think I would I cope with a significant set back or life changing event such as the death of a loved one?

The answers to these questions will help you understand why and how you are where you are, but also why you may not be able - or not want - to escape.

For those who want to escape their gilded cage, the first step is the realisation that the door is already open….and you just need to take a few steps to get out.

Try this:

Step 1 - Take some time to reflect on your values, passions, and aspirations. By understanding what truly brings you joy and fulfilment you can identify any misalignments with your current situation.

Step 2 - Research and explore different career options or industries that you feel might align with your interests and aspirations.

Step 3 - Identify any gaps in your knowledge or skills that may be necessary to transition to your new life. Take advantage of opportunities to enhance your knowledge or qualifications and broaden your skill set.

Step 4 - Cultivate a mindset of continuous learning and growth by actively seeking out opportunities for personal and professional development.

Step 5 - Seek guidance and support from mentors, experts or trusted professionals who can provide valuable insights and advice.

Step 6 - Expand your personal and professional network by attending networking events, joining relevant associations or participating in online communities and discussions.

Step 7 - Set clear goals and a step-by-step plan outlining the actions you need to take to move towards your desired professional and personal life. Break those actions down into smaller, manageable tasks to make progress.

Step 8 - Recognise that breaking free from your gilded cage requires courage and may involve taking calculated risks. Be open to new challenges, even if it means stepping outside of your comfort zone. Growth comes from doing hard things.

Step 9 - Prioritise self-care and wellbeing throughout the process. Take care of your physical and mental health and maintain a healthy work-life balance.

Step 10 - The trappings of your gilded cage exist because you are used to buying without a second thought. Be intentional and thoughtful about what you bring into your life and avoid overspending on things you don’t really need.

Reflecting on these steps will help you proactively take control and redefine your priorities. This way, you can renegotiate with yourself, work out what you need to have the life you want without feeling too trapped.

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